Thursday, July 26, 2012

You watch; everyone will be doing it next season.

     Every now and then I try out a new hobby, and decide that I am cool-new-hobby girl. (Yes, very much like a twelve year old. I am secure in that.)
     Anyway, so I start my new hobby and suddenly I get this idea that I am a newer, awesomer me: like I am cool, fun, brews-her-own-beer chick, or super organized and diligently clean I-just-got-a new-Martha-Stewart-book lady.  Never mind that brew-her-own-beer chick flooded the kitchen in half an inch of unfermented stout, or that Martha-Stewart-lady may or may not have eaten an entire box of Kellogg's Corn Pops for dinner; this does nothing to dampen my excitement when I embark upon my next project which I am always sure will somehow make me amazing.
     Most recently I imagined myself sexy, strong, going-to-run-a-Tough-Mudder Girl.
Knee brace?  Acceptable.  Diapers?  Not so much.
     Tough-Mudder Girl is strong and fun and generally kick-ass.  She runs, and climbs and gets dirty and wrestles alligators.
     You know what Tough-Mudder Girl does not do?
     Tough-Mudder Girl does not PEE HERSELF while running, jumping, and being generally awesome.  Nowhere does incontinence fit into the Tough-Mudder Girl persona, and no one has ever suggested Depends as a solution to ANY of the challenges Tough-Mudder Girl faces.

What.  The.  Hell.

     Why does no one mention this before you have a baby?  People tell you about the pain during delivery, and the no-sleep with a baby, but no one mentions, "Oh, yeah, and, from now on, try not to jump, laugh or breath in public".  You think someone might have brought that up.
     So now I am in physical therapy.  For peeing my pants.  It's an actual thing, and I participate in it.  Superb.
     I am looking into my diet, and of course kegels, lots and lots of kegels.
     In the meantime, I have decided to go with it, ya know?  What else can I do?  From now on, just call me super chill and free-spirited Not-Restricted-Indoor-Plumbing woman.