I'm Just Scared: Dealing With Generalized Anxiety in Children

     Amani has been suffering from a lot of anxiety lately.  When we first moved into the house it was mostly nightmares and fears about being in a strange place. That has subsided some, but she still tells me she is scared a lot.  I've looked into ways to help her but it's a little tricky. Most books and websites I have looked at are for kids who are very shy, or are overly fearful. Amani is not shy in the least, and she is not really fearful. She is not anxious about anything. We could be driving in the car and she will suddenly say she is scared. She could be sitting on the couch playing pleasantly while I fold laundry, and all of sudden she is saying she's scared.

     Part of it is probably boredome and attention seeking, but I think at least part of it is anxiety. I have had little "anxiety storms" since I was about her age. They would come on the same way that hers seem to- unprompted, especially when I'm sitting quietly- and I said the same thing when I was little; "I'm scared".  Now I call them anxiety storms because they are not anxiety attacks, but I think they are still a manifestation of anxiety.  Anxiety attacks feel like a heart attack and last for around 30 minutes- I guess. I don't think I've ever actually had one. What I call anxiety storms are these little shudders of panic that are very intense for a few seconds, and fade after a minute or so.  I've always had them, but they are way worse now that I am an adult.  I think Amani is getting those, and she will sometimes have them all day, just like I do.

    So I have been looking for ways to help her. Whenever she tells me she is scared, I try to assure her that she is safe and that I sometimes get scared too. Sometimes I suggest taking slow deep breaths, or we turn on some music. At night we play the Indigo Dreams guided meditation from Lori Lite. Personally I like the Indigo Ocean Dreams stories the best, in case you are looking. They have been really helpful, not only to help her get to sleep, but also to have familiar terminology to talk about her feelings: "Remember how the octopus felt when he got mad?": that kind of stuff. 

     Today I saw this list in my Facebook feed. At first, I didn't have much hope for it, because, you know, Facebook forwards are usually pretty obnoxios. I'm glad I looked at this one though. The author suggests a lot of things I am already doing with Amani, but there a few new approaches to try. I think I will ask her to draw what she is upset about (#1). Although I think she just has generalized anxiety, it's possible she is fearful about something and can't explain it.  I also really like the idea of the Widdle Worrier (#35). Amani loves imaginary creatures and I could really see her get into calming a little imaginary creature. Outside of the new techniques, it is nice to see that someone out there can appreciates where I am coming from, and that I am generally on the right track.

Review All the Comics!

     Allie Brosh of Hyperbole and a Half recently published a comic on depression that is making the rounds on the inter-webs.  It's a follow-up to an earlier post she did on depression, but in this one, she does a spot-on characterization of dissociation, which can be so hard for people with to depression to describe to anyone who hasn't experienced it.  Actually, that is my favorite part of the piece: her description of trying to explain depression to a person who has never experienced it.  I was laughing so hard I nearly cried, because truly, the situation is so bizarre, and maddening, and usually just a total failure.

Photo credit:  Hyperbole and a Half

     "I have depression."
     "Oh, that's really too bad.  You know, you shouldn't take life so seriously.  Just let it go, you know..."
     "Yes, thank you.  That's very helpful."
     "Have you tried going to bed earlier?  Your body needs rest."
     "Hmmm... yes.  Thank you.  That is very insightful."

    Don't you hate that?  As if a good night's sleep and deep breathing will cure this disorder that is plaguing America. It was really good to find this comic and realize that I wasn't the only one who found those conversations massively surreal.
      Honestly, I am glad she wrote this second one because her first one was kind of misleading.  That's not to say that it wasn't funny; Hyperbole and a Half pretty much makes me laugh out loud with every single post, and this one is no exception. And it is not that the article did not have any good pints, because it definitely did.  I can completely relate to that voice of self loathing that is constantly mentally berating you until you just need to crawl around your house in this pathetic lump of sadness.  That seriously happens to me all the time, even when I am on medication.
     What bothered me about "Adventures in Depression" was that at the end it represented depression as freeing and empowering.  She asserts that once the self loathing gets worn out, you can go on and be yourself because you don't care about how you are perceived by others.  It really irritated me that anyone would suggest such a thing, because this has not been my experience, and I don't think it is healthy to suggest that there is an upside to being massively depressed.  I don't think it was her intention to suggest that depression is freeing; she mentions in the second piece that the "I don't give a fuck" stage is short lived, and that the feeling of liberation is really more a liberation from self loathing; but I am glad she wrote the second piece to clarify.

Don't call me a liar

     Ugh!  I take it all back.  Months ago I wrote a response to an article regarding medication and the authentic self: it was all a lie.
     Okay, it wasn't a lie exactly; I still stand by what I said about your authentic self being the best version of yourself, even if that means your medicated-self.  And you definitely should look for a medication that makes you good because no one should have to feel drugged just to manage their daily lives.  There are way too many drugs out there that for anyone to have to suffer.  That's what I said and I really do believe it.
     Here's what I didn't say though: finding the right medication sucks.
     Right now I am on 90mg of Cymbalta and my mood is fantastic.  It is completely responsible for pulling me out of depression: a feat which Risperdol, nor Abilify nor Serequil could manage.  But it is not perfect.  Most notably, it gives me a really bad stomach ache about an hour after I take it.  I've tried taking it with food, I've tried taking it at night: nothing works.  So, each day we have a one hour period where I stalk around with the stance, temperament and vocalization pattern of a mountain gorilla, all while LO presumably licks the bottom of the dishwasher or something.
     If I were to follow my own advice I would be harassing my doctor to come up with something that did not force me to channel Animal Planet, and yet, the pattern continues.
     Because I DON'T WANT TO CHANGE MY MEDICATION.....
     Experimenting with medication means wrestling with all kinds of potential side effects including weight gain and mood swings, and headaches, and muscle tension, or insomnia, or exhaustion, ontop of which the darm medication probably will not work as well.  I mean, I have been trying to find the perfect medication since I was ELEVEN and this one works good enough, so...
Ugh.
Whatever.
I mean, if in three years LO begins beating her chest to warn her nursery school classmates that she feels threatened, then I suppose I'll look into what my other options are.

Medication and your authentic self

My friend Kaitlyn recently published this post from a guest blogger on her site.  It has to do with medication and whether or not it makes you your "true" self, another version of yourself, or someone else completely.  This is a question that I know a lot of people wrestle with.  After all, everyone wrestles with their identity to some degree, and when you are taking medications that fundamentally change your brain chemistry, identity issues are bound to pop up.  In the blogger's article, she tries to determine whether she *is* the woman she becomes when suffering from her ADHD , or if she *is* the woman she manifests when on medication.
Personally, I do not believe that I am the nasty, ill-tempered, dark human being I become when I go off my medication.  Depression is a disorder: not a personality trait.  Science has determined that depression is due to a chemical imbalance; so I think it would be inappropriate to say that my true self is the manifestation of that imbalance.  I wouldn't say that a person with epilepsy is most truly him/herself  when having a seizure.  I wouldn't say my father is most truly himself when have a schizophrenic episode.  I wouldn't even say that a person is most truly him/herself when they are really tired.  I guess I like to think that a person is his or her true self is his or her optimal self: who they are under the best conditions, not the worst.That is not to say that I do not believe that I am a complete and total nutcase.  I definitely understand that that cranky, misanthrope I become when I am depressed is me, it is just not most authentically me.
Additionally, I think that if your medication makes you feel anything other than the most authentic version of yourself, then you need to change medication.  There are a ton of medications out there, and if you feel stifled, or wired, or just inauthentic, there is probably a medication that can get you to a better place.  Medication should help you manage your day to day affairs, and help you accomplish the goals that your disorder is stopping you from achieving.  If anything else is happening, there is something wrong.

We feed the cat first

I just read this article on Babble about second kids getting the shaft.  As my mother's second child, I really don't feel that this is true, but as the mother, I can totally see it happening.  So, I am being proactive and in treating both my children equally by being as lazy as humanly possible with my first child.

It's cool.  She needs the fiber.

Observe:

• Almost all LO's clothes come from consignment shops or Goodwill.
• I consider eight hours a fine amount of time to wear a diaper.
• The 5 second rule for dropped pacifiers has been extended to a five day rule, as long as I pick off all visible dirt before putting it in her mouth.  Not that it matters because ....
• LO considers the carpet in our living room an all you can eat buffet.
• We have two baby books.  Both are completely blank that way all the children can share them.

Any confessions about your "forward thinking" in treating your children equally?

How to experience pregnancy without getting pregnant in four easy steps

I love this post on Jezebel about how you are not even close to being ready to have a baby.  It is so true, and hilarious, and so full of things that for some of the more ridiculous reasons people think they are ready to have a baby, most of which I completely subscribed to.  The best part of the article is wherein she suggests ways to prepare for having a baby.  My favorites include:

• Wake up every two hours at night, punch yourself in the face, walk around for 28 minutes pleading in jibberish. Go back to "sleep." Repeat.

• Stand around a tennis court and catch fly balls with one hand for two hours a day while also preparing a peanut butter sandwich.

• Practice wrestling aforementioned large, slippery fish, then dress it in seasonally appropriate outfit, including hat and/or jacket. Then go back, remove all clothing, and apply sunscreen. Re-dress fish.

These exercises only prepare you for the child.  I am making a list of things that will prepare you for pregnancy and child birth.   It's a work in progress, but this is what I have so far.

• Take a laxative and Ipocack at the same time.  Go to work.  Encourage coworkers to say how excited they are for you.

• Fill a basketball with water.  Just before bed, put on elastic-waist pants and insert the basketball.  Leave it there for four months.

• Gain 20 pounds.  Allow strangers to enthusiastically comment on how large you are.

• Poo out a seven pound terd surrounded by all your loved ones and several strangers.

Any others you can think of?