No sequins for you!

Here is my daughter:

Please note how she is the cutest thing that ever cuted.
OhmyGod.  She is so cute.
Please also note that she is not wearing sparkles, nor is she wearing anything made of tulle, and she is quite far from having flowing locks of blonde curls, and yet, she remains not only a girl, but an astonishingly adorable and happy little nodule of perfect cutitude.
Everyone can agree on this, right?

Now bear witness to the monstrosity that is gendered Halloween costumes.

I mean, are you kidding me?  We have to force our little girls to be pretty-pretty-princesses even when they are Muppets?

What IS this?!  And more importantly, how am I supposed to hide my daughter from it?

It's not that I hate dresses, or fancy shoes or glitter, (Well, actually, I do hate glitter but that's because it is impossible to ever clean up, not because I think that it holds some inherent misogynist bias).  But it is like we are suffocating them.  It is like there are two options: be a frilly, delicate flower (and apparently freeze you hiney off while trick-or-treating) - or be "alternative", a "tom-boy", a political statement.    Is it any wonder that little girls think that sexy = popular?
I mean, I am a big fan of this image, but it really only serves to prove my point:

She looks adorable, but people are mostly into this image because she is not fitting in with our cultural expectations.  She is rising above what we as a culture know we teach little girls to value about themselves: primarily their bodies: their hair, their make-up coated faces, their delicately poised hands, and their pointed little toes.
And what happens when these little girls get older and, as all children do, start discovering and asserting their own power?  Well, they use the assets they have been taught to value, of course.
And that's when it really gets ugly.
Have you heard of the twelve-year-old- slut meme?  It's totally a thing.  Using the word "meme" makes it sound like it is a new thing, but it is really not.  We have been shaming girls for using their sexuality since the Old Testament when most women were stoned for exhibiting signs of sexual awareness.  With the rise of social media and cyber bullying, the public reaction to girls asserting their sexuality has changed, it is more of a lateral move
These girls, experimenting with their own sexuality and immersed in a world where society has dictated as their strongest features are their bodies, are then publicly humiliated for experimenting with the only tools they have to gain approval and status.  It is sickening to me how our culture is both obsessed and terrified of teenage girls.  From Pretty Little Liars, and all the movies with those sexy evil girls, and every female pop star...ever: I mean, talk about mixed messages.  Because in our world there are two types of girls: submissive virgins, or manipulative whores.
How do I stop this?  How do I protect my playful, talkative, curious little spark from all this...terror that seems to be waiting for her in every toy store?
I am really beginning to see Rapunzel's mom's angle.

You watch; everyone will be doing it next season.

     Every now and then I try out a new hobby, and decide that I am cool-new-hobby girl. (Yes, very much like a twelve year old. I am secure in that.)
     Anyway, so I start my new hobby and suddenly I get this idea that I am a newer, awesomer me: like I am cool, fun, brews-her-own-beer chick, or super organized and diligently clean I-just-got-a new-Martha-Stewart-book lady.  Never mind that brew-her-own-beer chick flooded the kitchen in half an inch of unfermented stout, or that Martha-Stewart-lady may or may not have eaten an entire box of Kellogg's Corn Pops for dinner; this does nothing to dampen my excitement when I embark upon my next project which I am always sure will somehow make me amazing.
     Most recently I imagined myself sexy, strong, going-to-run-a-Tough-Mudder Girl.

Knee brace?  Acceptable.  Diapers?  Not so much.

     Tough-Mudder Girl is strong and fun and generally kick-ass.  She runs, and climbs and gets dirty and wrestles alligators.
     You know what Tough-Mudder Girl does not do?
     Tough-Mudder Girl does not PEE HERSELF while running, jumping, and being generally awesome.  Nowhere does incontinence fit into the Tough-Mudder Girl persona, and no one has ever suggested Depends as a solution to ANY of the challenges Tough-Mudder Girl faces.

What.  The.  Hell.

     Why does no one mention this before you have a baby?  People tell you about the pain during delivery, and the no-sleep with a baby, but no one mentions, "Oh, yeah, and, from now on, try not to jump, laugh or breath in public".  You think someone might have brought that up.
     So now I am in physical therapy.  For peeing my pants.  It's an actual thing, and I participate in it.  Superb.
     I am looking into my diet, and of course kegels, lots and lots of kegels.
     In the meantime, I have decided to go with it, ya know?  What else can I do?  From now on, just call me super chill and free-spirited Not-Restricted-Indoor-Plumbing woman.

Friendly Fire During Postpartum Warfare

One of the most challenging parts of postpartum depression is the civilian casualties.  Of course the depression, irritability and fatigue are hard on me, but my poor, sweet long suffering husband, and cute little girl are just innocent bystanders, and really shouldn't have to deal with my insanity when I meltdown over an overgrown law, or become wrought with emotion during the ending of Men in Black 3.
I think doctors too often overlook the family when working through finding proper treatment.
"Some aggression is normal with this as your body adjusts." They say.  (Don't you love their euphemisms?  "Aggression" is code for unholy rage-fests.)  "Give this three weeks or so, and if you are still experiencing irritability, we will consider lowering the dose."
Yeah.  Three weeks.  We'll just dig trenches in the living room and LO and Erik can duck and cover when the sirens go off.   Easy-peasy.
I am not sure what the answer is.  There is no magic pill that will just *puff* make you better, but all this experimentation takes a toll on my family.  I wrote an article that my friend Kaitlin published on her blog at Psych Central.  Check it out and let me know if you agree.

Medication and your authentic self

My friend Kaitlyn recently published this post from a guest blogger on her site.  It has to do with medication and whether or not it makes you your "true" self, another version of yourself, or someone else completely.  This is a question that I know a lot of people wrestle with.  After all, everyone wrestles with their identity to some degree, and when you are taking medications that fundamentally change your brain chemistry, identity issues are bound to pop up.  In the blogger's article, she tries to determine whether she *is* the woman she becomes when suffering from her ADHD , or if she *is* the woman she manifests when on medication.
Personally, I do not believe that I am the nasty, ill-tempered, dark human being I become when I go off my medication.  Depression is a disorder: not a personality trait.  Science has determined that depression is due to a chemical imbalance; so I think it would be inappropriate to say that my true self is the manifestation of that imbalance.  I wouldn't say that a person with epilepsy is most truly him/herself  when having a seizure.  I wouldn't say my father is most truly himself when have a schizophrenic episode.  I wouldn't even say that a person is most truly him/herself when they are really tired.  I guess I like to think that a person is his or her true self is his or her optimal self: who they are under the best conditions, not the worst.That is not to say that I do not believe that I am a complete and total nutcase.  I definitely understand that that cranky, misanthrope I become when I am depressed is me, it is just not most authentically me.
Additionally, I think that if your medication makes you feel anything other than the most authentic version of yourself, then you need to change medication.  There are a ton of medications out there, and if you feel stifled, or wired, or just inauthentic, there is probably a medication that can get you to a better place.  Medication should help you manage your day to day affairs, and help you accomplish the goals that your disorder is stopping you from achieving.  If anything else is happening, there is something wrong.