Thursday, August 18, 2016

If it's not too much trouble

Excuse me, Mom? I couldn't helped that you seem to be looking in another direction for nearly 45 seconds. Is everything okay? You weren't looking at my sibling were you? Because I really need you to help me with this problem I'm pretending to have. I'm hungry and thirsty and I need you to build me a fort. Also, my imaginary machine isn't quite making the right noise. Okay, well, I know those things can wait, but also, I need to go potty, but I seem to have forgotten where it is... 
Wait, where are you taking me?  Play with my toys? Is that a joke? Could there possibly anything more excruciatingly banal that the hundreds of dollars worth of toys and books strewn around this room?  What I really need is whatever it is you just picked up off the floor. 'Carpet lint' you say? Fascinating...
Wait, are you trying to get work done, or are you trying to be a motorcycle? Let me help you by climbing on to your back. Ahh, your right, Yelling is an effective way to relay a message. I'll be right back; I'm going to get my sibling to scream at me. 
So, hey, I was wondering, do you need to me to inexplicably scream "No" at you until I start crying, because that just happens to be my forte. Also, there's something sticky all over the carpet. I've no idea how that happened, but I thought you should know.

Okay, okay...fine. I need to think about my life choices. I'll just climb somewhere high from which I can't get down.....
Mom. For real. I'm going to need your eyes trained on me with laser like precision for a minute/hour/forever... while I...move around the house randomly... Let's make that happen.

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