- Wake up every two hours at night, punch yourself in the face, walk around for 28 minutes pleading in jibberish. Go back to "sleep." Repeat.
- Stand around a tennis court and catch fly balls with one hand for two hours a day while also preparing a peanut butter sandwich.
- Practice wrestling aforementioned large, slippery fish, then dress it in seasonally appropriate outfit, including hat and/or jacket. Then go back, remove all clothing, and apply sunscreen. Re-dress fish.
These exercises only prepare you for the child. I am making a list of things that will prepare you for pregnancy and child birth. It's a work in progress, but this is what I have so far.
- Take a laxative and Ipocack at the same time. Go to work. Encourage coworkers to say how excited they are for you.
- Fill a basketball with water. Just before bed, put on elastic-waist pants and insert the basketball. Leave it there for four months.
- Gain 20 pounds. Allow strangers to enthusiastically comment on how large you are.
- Poo out a seven pound terd surrounded by all your loved ones and several strangers.